Hello. You don’t know me, but before we proceed you should at least know my film, Statuette. The link is here. It’s 6 minutes long. Watch.

Maybe you know me now. Maybe you don’t. Part of me hopes not. There’s an argument that filmmakers, more than any artists, aren’t represented in their art. I mean: want to write a great poem? Simply write a great poem! A great novel? Easy! What’s stopping you? Sure, you may not get these things published, but you can still make precisely the art you want, about the topics you want, from the comfort of your own home.

But, alas, the poor filmmakers. Orson Welles once bemoaned that we don’t know his films, just the ones that got produced, and I – slyly pushing myself into the same sentence – reckon I understood. You think I dreamt all my life about making a short film about women in porn? Well, I didn’t. But circumstances happen, and the idea didn’t require assembling a cast, finding equipment, and most importantly, was free – at least, depending on your valuation of time. So I did it.

Okay, maybe there’s a bit more to it. Not everyone scours xVideos and PornHub to find fodder for art, after all – though I’m sure some have claimed to. Well, what happened was that I was watching a video game livestream and heard a song that I liked. It was written and performed by Emily Haines and was called “Statuette”. I didn’t know then that I was going to hear it more than anyone who ever lived – but that’s for later. Back then, it was just a song that sounded nice, and so I looked it up on YouTube.